Baktari MD

Master Active Listening in Business for Profit (2024)

• Jonathan Baktari MD • Season 2 • Episode 37

Share episode

Welcome to episode 37 of Season 2 of Baktari MD! In this episode we go over the MOST important skill when you are running a business; LISTENING! Check out the full episode for all of the tips and trick you need are right here! Find out all of this and more in the full episode!

So as you're hearing the message at the beginning of the message, you're thinking, how is this going to give me secondary personal or corporate gain or company gain? And how is it going to give me loss? How is this going to hurt me if this thing keeps going in the direction that this person is doing, Hi. Hi. Welcome to another episode of Baktari And as you know, this season we are going over Crash CEO School, where we give you the skill sets and know how and how to lead your organization to the next level. We've gone over quite a bit this season, but there is one skill set that keeps coming back to haunt a lot of people who are trying to grow their leadership skills. And it's probably one of the most important skill sets to really get a handle on, and that is listening. Because at the end of the day, if you think about yourself as a leader, you're going to be judged by the decisions you make, decisions on the direction of the company, what services you bring on, what services you get rid of. Whether you hire more or whether you downsize. But like any decision, the best decisions are made with the maximum amount of relevant information, right? You can make better decisions if you have more information. So when it comes to gathering information, there's many ways to gather. but at some point, hearing people in your organization give you feedback on some of these topics is going to be crucial in you making the final decision. So, you know, just like nobody would want to walk into a movie theater and just randomly, you know, pick a movie and walk in. Obviously, the more reviews you read, the more feedback you get, the more likely you are to pick the right movie. So even simple thing like that. But imagine more when it comes to a big decision at a corporation or your small business or medium sized business. Making the right decision will have an impact. So how can you maximize your chances to make the right decision? Well, of course, there's research and going online and getting reports and hiring consultants or what have you. But then listening, getting the feedback. So the basic skill of what people call active listening is to hear other people, but hear it in a way that you can digest the gist of what they're saying. Not only partially here and then respond. You know, there are many studies that show that people really hold on to as little as 25 to 50% of a conversation. And so you have to be careful that when you're listening to someone, let's say you're listening to one of your department heads that you only gleam the top 25% and hope that 25% is the relevant 25% to you making the right decision. Of course, it would be best to hear the whole message. Now, I'm not going to go into this whole active listening thing because I'm sure there's plenty of literature and videos out there about active listening, but I want to kind of go behind the psychology of act of not actively listening and explain how you can improve. So the first thing I want to talk about is why some you know, why is it that people only hold on to 25% of a conversation often? And I think there are many, many reasons. And I think the last one I'm going to give you is probably the one I like the most. But I think for a lot of people, when they hear someone give it their spiel on something, their prior experience often clouds, you know, where they think this person is going or I've already heard that and I get it. And what have you. And so this whole notion that your prior experiences, you know, interfere with your ability to fully hear the person out because instinctually we're like, this is another pitch to raise our prices, or this is another pitch to, you know, expand or hire or fire or whatever. And we've already as soon as the first ten words come out, we've already sized up rather than, you know, we're talking about why that's not the best way to go, because there may be other things in that message or other things driving that message that you should know about. So rather than dismiss it, there are some incentives and some upside to hearing more. So what other things impact your ability to hear the whole message? You know, one of the most interesting phenomenon is secondary gain or loss. So if someone's in your office and they're like, you know, our productivity is a little bit down, our you know, our equipment's a little, you know, outdated and you're like, okay, here comes the pitch where we got to spend a lot of more money. So yeah, more pain. So immediately you kind of get in this mode where you're like, this is not going to be good because it's going to cost us money. And you so you immediately start to think of ways to potentially, you know, give the opposing view or sometimes are secondary in you. You may, you may like it because wow, this means we'll have to, we may need less staff or we may not have to buy so many things or. So it can work both ways. So as you're hearing the message at the beginning of the message, you're thinking, how is this going to give me secondary personal or corporate gain or company gain? And how is it going to give me loss? How is this going to hurt me if this thing keeps going in the direction that this person is doing, which, by the way, makes sense and doesn't? Because. Yes, but you don't really know the whole message. If you would digest the whole message and not focus necessarily in the secondary gain or or loss, which will be a factor eventually, but at least hear out because while there may be a secondary loss, maybe in the short term there may be a big gain in the long term, but you just didn't let your brain get to that point and so you missed out on that other part, right? So, yes. we're going to have to invest in a lot new equipment. But, you know, if you would have allowed the conversation to go on and digest more. Wow. But this is going to open up a whole new market for us, a whole new group of clients that we normally wouldn't be able to service or whatever. So now the next couple of ideas are not the best ones because they're not very flattering. But there is a concept and we want to call it a personality trait, in this personality trait has varying degrees of severity, which is for some people, especially once they're in leadership, there can be a tendency to dismiss any ideas that didn't come from them. Meaning, if it's not my idea, if it's not my idea, it's probably a bad idea. Now, that's an exaggeration, but there is a kernel of truth to that in certain personalities where where the thought originated or the concept originated can potentially matter to some people. Right. So if it originated from, let's say someone who let's say just, you know, started last week or a month ago or what have you there, the origin of where the concept came from sometimes matters, but not all people. And most people know most great leaders. That doesn't happen. But that phenomenon that, it wasn't my idea. So, you know, can it really be that great of an idea? And so there is that now there's varying degrees of that. And in some people that's their initial instinct, but then they'll open up. But there is, there is a component to that. The next component is and you see it from a lot of people who are new leaders because I think they they need to prove their, their, you know, street creds about being a leader, which is it no matter what the complexity of the conversation is, or the topic this need to sort of be the smartest guy in every room or the smartest gal in every room. And I think some people equate that, you know, with being a great leader because, you know, I can walk into any meeting and dominate the conversation and and and have strong opinions. And I think some of that, when it does happen and doesn't happen that much, but when it does happen, it's often compensating for not having potentially the street credibility to, you know, be a seasoned leader. And and so these things can all impact listening. So I've kind of went through all of them. by far the number one, the number one reason people struggle with active listening is that when they're hearing something, immediately they feel a need to prepare a response. And think about it. If someone is preparing their response to what you're saying or some version of the response in the first 10 seconds or 20 seconds of yours speech or whatever you're saying, they simply don't have the proper bandwidth to process the second half of your message. So imagine. I don't know. Imagine if you were watching a movie. And as you're watching a movie, you're you have to start typing into your computer what the movie's all about. So as you're watching the first scene of the movie and you're typing in, this is how the movie begins, you're probably going to miss a few scenes because you're so busy writing your thoughts on the initial thing that was said, and this is probably the most difficult thing to train yourself, which is no matter what you hear, don't come up with a response and sometimes you can actually see it in the person's face. You know, you will be talking to the person and you can actually see their eyes go kinda, can almost see that they're okay. So I hear this and I think in response I'm going to say blah, blah, blah. You can actually see their facial expression crunching sentences in their mind to prepare a response for you, which I guess on some level is good. But I'm some other level. If someone's preparing their response while you're still talking, they won't have the bandwidth to absorb what you're really saying. So Today we have a bullet proof system that helps us close up to 80% of those inbound calls. Our High Converting Call Class will teach you how to demonstrate your authority quickly without being pushy. We believe that many businesses out there can benefit from this, and we promise to help you achieve your revenue goals by converting more of your incoming calls into actual sales. For more information, please visit our website at HighConvertingCallClass.com. Stop waiting for the sales to come to you. Put your revenue into your hands. This actually takes a little bit of practice to, you know, bite your tongue metaphorically and not prepare a response and not prepared to even what side of that conversation you're going to be on would be for it, against it whatever, and to just be neutral bystander but your job is to simply absorb the information. So knowing that knowing that we're not going to do all those things. So what you know, what is really active listening and what goes into it, I think the first thing that goes into active listening, which you hear everywhere, is to, you know, give the person your undivided attention. If you are partially distracted by your cell phone, you're reading something else, you're being interrupted. It it just prevents you from fully absorbing what the person is saying and you and again, it goes from hearing the first ten words. I kind of figure I know where they're going with this. They're going to yeah, they want to spend more money on, you know, hiring more consultants or blah, blah, blah. And I okay, I already I hear this every other week, blah, blah, blah. So that that's the one thing. So give your undivided attention. And then the next thing is, as you hear the whole message, not only do you need to hear the message, but you have to understand that sometimes the message you're hearing is not what's really motivating them. So if someone comes to your office and says, you know, I think this new idea that everyone, you know needs to generate a weekly report is a bad idea, blah, blah, blah. Now, that may be their position or maybe their position is really, I'm overworked as is, and I have so much on my plate. This is really a good idea. But given everything that's going on, all my other responsibilities, this is a bad idea. So it's sort of the reverse of what we were saying about the listener. Sometimes the person talking to you has another level of communication that they're telling you the meaning they have secondary gain or loss by this thing happening or whatever they're telling you. And if you don't pause and and, dwell into that factor, like what is motivating this? Where is this coming from? And some of it is what it is. But often there is some other thing that they want to tell you about and they just need a window to open up so they can tell you about, you know, some other projects that aren't going well, that have had unexpected issues. And and and for you to hear that the only way you're going to hear that is if you if you just take their message at face value and don't probe for that secondary problem or secondary issue. Now, you you first of all, want to understand why they're taking the position they are really. And you won't have an opportunity to address and help improve those other issues that they may be thinking about. So understanding what their full message is and what the meaning behind behind the messages. Okay. And and sometimes they'll also be giving you a message wrapped up in a package that if you allow them to expand more, you'll hear a secondary message. So assuming you do all that correctly, so you hear it, you're actively listening. You've searched out for secondary messages and you're not working on your response. So what is the next step? The next step, I find, is to allow the person to finish, but then gently probe the message, meaning get them to clarify and reword potentially some of the message, because in that probing you may actually get information that in a quick, you know, thing that they blurted didn't include all that. So probing and asking questions about their position often gives you clarity and what secondary gains or losses they're experiencing, what other issues they have, or the issue itself. What what didn't you fully understand about that? You know that you thought you did, but by asking probing questions, you will get to the bottom of some of that. So the next step is, to paraphrase the message that this you hear all the time, right? So if you if you've done a really good job or actively listening, you know, phrases like, okay, so what you're basically saying to me is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, or if I heard you correctly, your position is that we should blah, blah, blah, blah, because if we do blah, blah, blah blah, that the ability to articulate their position has many benefits. One, sometimes you get it wrong, you know, I said, No, no, no, that's not really what I was saying. And even when you do get it right, there's a sense of satisfaction for the person who, even if you later on take the opposing view, the fact that you could articulate their position often is, is accepted in a way that is appreciated. And so even if you wind up taking the opposing view, you're less likely, less likely to get a negative response, even if you decide not to go with their their idea. So there some value, one to clarify, make sure you got it right because unless you totally get it wrong and sometimes and even if when you get it right, I think there is a sense of satisfaction for most people. I know myself, when people regurgitate what I tell them, it makes me feel like whether they're going to agree or disagree, they understand my position and that has value in and of itself. Without anything else. Now, let's say you get past that and for whatever reason you either agree or disagree or some combination of both. What I like to do is to finally, after all of that is done to, you know, asked all of your questions, you've really exhausted it to then convey your position. Now, this is when you even if you have to pause to actually put together your position, this is when you should be formulating your response for formulating your response when all these other stages are done and then convey your response. From everything I've heard from you and everything else I know. But I want you to tell me now that you've heard my response. Your response? Where am I going wrong? Like, what am I missing? Right? You want to offer them an opportunity to poke little holes in what you said in a respectful manner? Because you don't want someone to say, okay, you win because you're my boss and you said something. You want them to have the freedom to challenge you just like you know, when you were probing them in a respectful manner to challenge you, but you want to give them permission to challenge you because especially if you're in the more power position, if you're the supervisor or whatever, at that point, they may not feel like it's the right thing to do to to then after you've already heard them out to say an opposing view, to then still challenge you. But if you give them that opportunity to challenge you in a respectful manner and challenge you not just by saying I disagree, but saying, hey, help me understand where am I going wrong? Okay, If you were me, why wouldn't you come to this decision? Right? If you were me, what what would prompt you to go the other way? And I think what you will find is if you allow people to challenge your position or ask questions about your position, you will have a lot they will have a lot more respect for you, even even if they disagree, which of course, is really the mark of a great leader. Right. Because a great leader doesn't mean they convince everybody that they're right all the time, but that if they can respect you enough and they'll say they agree with you 90% of the time, but on the five or 10% that they disagree, they still have so much respect for your process and for your respect for their perspective and your active listening and you're probing that they're more likely to go along with the small percentages of time where they actually may disagree with you, but they they'll understand that you you have a lot of respect for them. You heard them out for real. And however you got there on that, on the small percentage of your time, you're just going to agree to disagree. But that is a healthy, good working relationship. I don't think there's any business relationship where everyone agrees all the time is how you got to talk to the ones where you disagree. What was the process that got to the point? And if the process was a healthy, respectful way to get to that point, then I think you're on to something. Okay, So that's my conversation on active listening and how to be a good listener, how to be a good leader and be a good listener. I hope you enjoy that. If you like content like this and if you'be gotten to this part of the video, please comment like and subscribe so we can provide even more content like this. All right. Thank you so much. Have an amazing day. See you in the next video. Bye bye.